The semester is officially over. It's hard to believe. I always imagined the "so much lighter" feeling that comes with the beginning of a vacation to be a cliché, but I actually experienced it, both yesterday and today. Regardless of how my exams were, all of which went well, save one, I am done with two of the most difficult, frustrating, and uninteresting classes I have ever had to take. It is an accomplishment I'm quite proud of. I truly did feel a sense of giddiness as I left my ethics final this afternoon, the seemingly endless ways I could spend my free afternoon without any papers or assignments nagging at the back of my mind laid out before me. The semester ended on a high note with my ethics term paper on Just War Theory and the War in Afghanistan being considered for next year's Undergraduate Ethics Symposium, and it is certainly true that I will never forget this semester and all its excitement, whether good or bad.
Even with all the joy it has brought me, the beginning of the Christmas break has inspired in me a reflection on the meaning of the holiday season, particularly within my own family. This afternoon, I took a trip to the King of Prussia Mall to finish the Christmas shopping I had left to do. Not only had it taken practically a week for me to realize how soon Christmas actually is, but I was slightly taken aback by the festive appearance of the mall. The towering tree and cheery music in the rotunda of the plaza seemed somewhat out of place, and I wondered how I managed to fall so out of touch with my favorite holiday.
I realized then, how important family traditions actually are. This fall and winter, my parents decided to undertake a mass construction project on the first floor of our house, completely renovating the family room, kitchen, bathroom, and foyer. The project stretched a little past the Thanksgiving break, and we're just now getting things back in order. As a result, it was an impossibility for us to begin our customary Christmas decorating, which starts even before Thanksgiving day. And I'm not talking about some holly placed here and there around the house, and a wreath on the door. Christmas has always been a major event in my household; it brings out the best in all three of us. We usually have around 6 fully decorated Christmas trees all around our house, not to mention the decoration of our staircase and the many mantles, cabinets, and tables my mother has to fill with her various holiday collectibles. If there's a space, we decorate it. This year however, instead of deciding to start our decorating late, my mother declared that we were not going to decorate at all. We just didn't have the time. Sure, I was upset when she first told me, but I figured we would get by, and it would still feel like Christmas anyway.
Oh, how wrong I was. We haven't entertained at our house once this holiday season, an almost weekly occurrence every other year. My mother and I haven't had our usual Christmas movie marathons; we haven't had time to get the box of videos and dvds out of the basement, let alone actually watch them. We haven't played our extensive collection of Christmas music through our house-wide speaker system. I realized, staring in wonder at the massive tree in the mall that this is the reason it hasn't felt like Christmas yet. I thought I could enjoy myself without it, but I have to admit that I was looking forward to the warmth and joy of the Christmas season at my house after the completion of my tough semester at Villanova. Even Christmas Eve, won't be the same this year, since my mother will be working an evening shift at the Pottery Barn, the new part-time seasonal job she picked up in addition to her regular teaching schedule. It feels as though my family has been so out of touch as we live our busy lives day after day. I had hoped that Christmas would bring us together, but now that even seems like an impossibility.
Don't get me wrong, I think my Christmas is going to be fabulous. My friends are coming over this weekend to help me decorate my room, tree and all, so that I can still have my own Christmas tradition. My family and I are still going to have a wonderful Christmas day together and travel to visit our relatives. But remember, as you sit around with your family and loved ones on whatever holiday you celebrate, treasure your traditions. Don't roll your eyes at the way your parents make you hold up your gifts to take an impractical number of pictures or anything else you may find silly, because you'll never know how much those simple traditions mean to you, until they're gone.
"Without tradition, art is a flock of sheep without a shepherd. Without innovation, it is a corpse." (Winston Churchill)
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
The Light at the End of the Tunnel
I can hardly believe I've made it through this semester. Today was the last day of classes, and although this semester didn't turn out as I had imagined or hoped it would, it was oddly wonderful and surprising.
This semester has been filled to the brim with struggles.
Academically, I've had to take two of the hardest courses in my life. And while my GPA is going to take a hit after final grades are submitted, I'm proud that I wasn't one of those students who just dropped the class. I'm proud that I stuck with it, and pulled out some amazing grades in the end. And to those teachers who knew exactly how to push my buttons this semester (you two know who you are), I've actually learned something. Despite being incompetent at teaching your respective subjects, I've learned how to deal professionally with people I can't stand. I've learned to appreciate the grades I have, even though they're not what I'm used to getting. I've looked forward to the next semester, with the hope of better things; classes I'm actually interested in and teachers that want their students to succeed.
Socially, I've become closer with several people in my life that I can't imagine living without right now. They've helped me with so much: school, work, whatever, but most importantly they've helped me remember that having fun is always important and that no matter how bad things may seem, spending time with your friends can help you forget about life for a while.
Finally, my family has been in a seemingly unending uphill climb as this semester has worn on. Between my schedule and theirs, my parents and I hardly have time to see each other anymore, and with our new home renovation project, we were barely able to eat together. My Uncle's heath continued to deteriorate along with my grandmother, and it was painful to watch my family suffer. I continue my struggle to feel adequate, constantly questioning my own abilities and talents.
But as the semester draws to a close, and I enter the stressful conclusion of finals week, I realize that everything is coming full circle. The kitchen is done, my Uncle's clinical trial seems to be working, my grandmother is back on her feet. My grades aren't spectacular, but better than they were, and I have some amazing plans with some wonderful people over the winter break. So yes, this semester has been difficult, but in the end, it has made me stronger and will allow me to appreciate my future successes and happinesses even more.
"To live, for me, Jane, is to stand on a crater-crust which may crack and spew fire any day" (Jane Eyre)
This semester has been filled to the brim with struggles.
Academically, I've had to take two of the hardest courses in my life. And while my GPA is going to take a hit after final grades are submitted, I'm proud that I wasn't one of those students who just dropped the class. I'm proud that I stuck with it, and pulled out some amazing grades in the end. And to those teachers who knew exactly how to push my buttons this semester (you two know who you are), I've actually learned something. Despite being incompetent at teaching your respective subjects, I've learned how to deal professionally with people I can't stand. I've learned to appreciate the grades I have, even though they're not what I'm used to getting. I've looked forward to the next semester, with the hope of better things; classes I'm actually interested in and teachers that want their students to succeed.
Socially, I've become closer with several people in my life that I can't imagine living without right now. They've helped me with so much: school, work, whatever, but most importantly they've helped me remember that having fun is always important and that no matter how bad things may seem, spending time with your friends can help you forget about life for a while.
Finally, my family has been in a seemingly unending uphill climb as this semester has worn on. Between my schedule and theirs, my parents and I hardly have time to see each other anymore, and with our new home renovation project, we were barely able to eat together. My Uncle's heath continued to deteriorate along with my grandmother, and it was painful to watch my family suffer. I continue my struggle to feel adequate, constantly questioning my own abilities and talents.
But as the semester draws to a close, and I enter the stressful conclusion of finals week, I realize that everything is coming full circle. The kitchen is done, my Uncle's clinical trial seems to be working, my grandmother is back on her feet. My grades aren't spectacular, but better than they were, and I have some amazing plans with some wonderful people over the winter break. So yes, this semester has been difficult, but in the end, it has made me stronger and will allow me to appreciate my future successes and happinesses even more.
"To live, for me, Jane, is to stand on a crater-crust which may crack and spew fire any day" (Jane Eyre)
Clean Slate
After taking a look at my more recent "recreational" blog, I felt that it was appropriate for me to delete it and begin again. I've changed so much since I started blogging a little over a year ago. There's not much I can say now, considering that coherent thoughts usually stop formulating in my mind after midnight; not to mention the fact that I'm obsessing over the four finals I have in the upcoming week. I do however, look forward to what this new year of blogging may bring, and hope that even if no one else reads this, I will be able to familiarize myself with who I am and who I want to be.